we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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