i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
your room smells of hookers.
And success
this will be a night to untag.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
