I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
