So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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