When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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