Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
