I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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