just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
