I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
