Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
