I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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