i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
