I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
