I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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