I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
