so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
