end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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