This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
