it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
How does one acquire holy water?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
