im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize