How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
