Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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