He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
