i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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