im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
and she was petting her beer can
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
