No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
