I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
