its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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