Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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