I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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