so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
