She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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