ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Too much gin, very little bucket
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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