he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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