I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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