Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You ruined the universe
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
