Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
