thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
