It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
