we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
