Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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