im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
