Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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