I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
