Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
