I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
