This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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