I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Dicks are not precious.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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