Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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