why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Non-Jews are for practice
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
