So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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