It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
