ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
