her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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