I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
