One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
