so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
