she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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