its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
