I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
