what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
