my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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