she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
