So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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