is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
