Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Drunk walkin through police station. America
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
