the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
